There are some weeds that you keep pulling up but no matter how much you keep on top of them they carry on rearing their ugly heads. I like to compare it to the showdown between Madam Mim (the witch) and Merlin in that famous scene in the Disney version of The Sword in the Stone where both continue almost annihilating the other, yet just before they do one of them adopts another form and finds a new way to take the other one down.
This is the relationship I have with one of my most malicious and powerful demons: being too nice. Like Merlin and the witch it’s not like one stays the same each time the other transforms. Me and my demon both transform and I get to the point of annihilating part of this multifaceted beast and then it finds some other way of manifesting itself pulling it’s malignant tongue out in my face.
It’s come up in all of my jobs, and I’ve got much better at tackling that one but it’s never gone away in my close relationships. When it comes to those sometimes I’m an out-and-out arse-licker.
The trouble with being nice is that other people adore you. On the outside, you have more friends and that can make you feel pretty good for a while.
But I have learned some important lessons from being nice:
- People don’t really love you for being nice, they just find your passivity more manageable and you make things easier for them for a while.
- The reason people don’t really love you is because you’re not really being you. You’re not showing your vulnerability in its fullest form, you’re diluting yourself, so people only have access to your meagre brochure-prototype version to love. Not really “you” as you are in this moment with all your greasy, pungent feelings.
- You’re not really being very loving if you’re not being you, because you’re deceiving people. And that’s not very nice.
And so I have logically deduced that being nice is not very nice.
Now I can hear your eyes rolling (yes I really can); it seems like a pretty obvious lesson to learn and I’ve written plenty of blogs about taking the mask off and being vulnerable and “re-wilding” myself but this is one of those weeds that even a good dose of round-up won’t squash. It needs time and this weed is probably going to pop up many more times again in my life but all this weeding is building up my muscles and I’m getting stronger.
I’ve just found another patch of such weeds in my garden and I’m about to show them who’s boss.